What You Want to Hear a Real Funny Joke

101 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember

For when you need the laughs to come fast.

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Ha! ha! ha! ha! rd.com

Have you ever started to tell a joke only to forget the punchline halfway through? While the forgetfulness could be funny on its own, no one wants to suffer through the embarrassment of messing up a good joke, especially if it's one of the funniest jokes of all time. Sometimes you need to get a quick laugh on demand and what better way to do it than with one of these short jokes? You can pull these out of your back pocket when you're in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some "what do you call?" jokes, and even something to get the small folks giggling with these short jokes for kids.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

I invented a new word!

Plagiarism!

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?"

Because every play has a cast. Here are some dark jokes to check out if you have a morbid sense of humor.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

"Get out of here!" shouts the bartender. "We don't serve your type."

RELATED:Bar Jokes

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Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house. Don't miss these hilarious egg puns that will absolutely crack you up.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Knock! Knock!

Who's there?
Control Freak.
Con…
OK, now you say, "Control Freak who?"

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu: You get what you deserve.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

RELATED:Dad Jokes

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A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and … cola."

"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure; I was born with them."

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

RELATED: Biology Jokes

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

RELATED: Mom Jokes

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

RELATED: Limericks for Kids

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What does a nosy pepper do?

Gets jalapeño business!

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How does Moses make tea?

He brews.

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why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Put lox on it.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter!"

The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don't follow you …"

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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line.

RELATED: Work-from-Home Jokes

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What's the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause. Don't forget to bookmark these other "what's the difference between" jokes that will crack you up.

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Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

It's two gross.

RELATED:St. Patrick's Day Jokes

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?

"Curses! Foil again!"

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Thanks— I'll never part with it!

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

RELATED:Dentist Jokes

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What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt!

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a pony with a cough?

A little horse.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did one hat say to the other?

You wait here. I'll go on a head. If you loved this, you'll get a kick out of these dog puns.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador.

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What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish. This tastes a little funny. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

This tastes a little funny.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What's orange and sounds like a carrot?

A parrot.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye matey.

RELATED:Funny Tweets

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Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?

Bison.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What is an astronaut's favorite part on a computer?

The space bar.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?

Because it was cultured.

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Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-Morse code.

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why did the hipster burn his mouth Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He drank the coffee before it was cool.

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once my dog ate all the scrabble tiles. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.

He kept leaving little messages around the house.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

RELATED:Funny Relatable Tweets

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Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

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What's Forest Gump's password? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What's Forest Gump's password?

1Forest1.

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Where does Batman go to the bathroom? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Where does Batman go to the bathroom?

The batroom.

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Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Because he lost his filling.

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What do you get from a pampered cow? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

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Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

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What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?

Any dog, because buildings can't jump.

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How many times can you subtract 10 from 100? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

RELATED:Funniest Twitter Accounts

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Why did the M&M go to school? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the M&M go to school?

It wanted to be a Smartie.

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Why do bees have sticky hair? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs.

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How does a rabbi make his coffee? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How does a rabbi make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

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I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

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I poured root beer in a square glass. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.

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Why aren't koalas actual bears? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why aren't koalas actual bears?

They don't meet the koalafications.

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Rest in peace to boiling water. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Rest in peace to boiling water.

You will be mist.

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What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

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Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?

In case she needed to draw blood.

RELATED:Funny Parenting Tweets

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How do you throw a space party? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

How do you throw a space party?

You planet.

RELATED:Space Puns

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The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight.

21.

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Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?

All of the fans left.

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What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?

A chew-chew train.

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Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor?

It needed help figuring out its problems.

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why can't male ants sink? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Why can't male ants sink?

They're buoy-ant.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Want to hear a construction joke?

Oh never mind, I'm still working on that one.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Talk is cheap?

Have you ever talked to a lawyer?

RELATED:Plant Puns

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Why did the gym close down?

It just didn't work out!

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Two artists had an art contest.

It ended in a draw!

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost my case.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

I have a fear of speed bumps.

But I am slowly getting over it.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

What did one traffic light say to the other?

Stop looking! I'm changing!

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

What type of sandals do frogs wear?

Open-toad!

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven ate nine.

RELATED:Love Riddles

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick!

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

Envelope.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Why doesn't the sun go to college?

Because it has a million degrees!

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

How do you count cows?

With a cowculator.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Why is England the wettest country?

Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

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Short joke rd.com

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's okay. He woke up.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

What are shark's two most favorite words?

Man overboard!

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Can February march?

No, but April may.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Where does the sheep get his hair cut?

The baa baa shop!

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Why are ghosts such bad liars?

Because they are easy to see through.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Where do fish sleep?

In the riverbed.

RELATED: Fish Puns

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

How do trees get online?

They just log on!

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

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101 Short Jokes rd.com

Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted. Now that you've learned 101 new short jokes to share with your friends, check out these classic Laffy Taffy jokes that will sweeten everyone's day.

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Source: https://www.rd.com/list/short-jokes/

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